Do you know the secret to being a good mom? I used to think there was a secret magic formula that a mom was magically gifted after she achieved enough “good mom” points.
If I can just make sure I can fit it all in & then add in baking a batch of homemade chocolate chip cookies THEN, I would finally have enough “good mom” points to be a winner at mom life.
So, how do you measure good, anyway? Is it by how tidy your house is? Is it by how many activities you can sucker your kids into? Is it by making elaborate breakfast creatures on toast with leftover chocolate chips eyes & maraschino cherry lips? I mean breakfast creatures are always a win in my house.
Number 2: Our Jadey Baby
As you might already know, Jade was doing her thing & growing in my belly, when my mom committed suicide.
With that kind of start to life, I’ve always been open about her being the key to fixing my broken heart. I’m a firm believer in God gives us what we need & for some reason, I was NEVER ok with being the only girl in my family.
In my grieving brain, God knew exactly how to build her so that she would ease my hurting heart.
I was shocked as she grew that I struggled so much with my relationship with her. Please don’t misunderstand me. I’m not for a second saying I love her any less than my other kids.
What I’m explaining is a personality thing. Jade thinks so different & is far more emotional about life in general. It has been a constant effort on my part to connect with her in a way that she feels my love.
Being a “good” mom
Jade loves to watch tv & she always wants me to watch tv with her. The thing is I just can’t people. I can’t handle sitting in front of the tv watching cartoons or kid shows. It literally drives me up a wall, but I do it. The reality is I half-ass it all the time, though. I can’t tell you the last time I “watched” tv with her without scrolling whatever on my phone.
I used to think this was actually being a good mom & I would mentally check off the box for “filling Jade’s needs for the day.”
Melting my heart
The other day she walked into the kitchen while I was listening to a final edit of an episode & said, “Hey mom… Maybe I should listen to your podcasts more too. Do you think your work could help me? You know, I feel overwhelmed all the time too.”
Her raw openness melted my heart right there. That’s when I realized I had been doing it all wrong. There was so much more to connecting with this child then just simply spending time with her.
Sometimes it takes years to figure out your relationship with your child & that’s ok. Did you hear me? I. Is. OK.
You’re not a bad mom just because a relationship with your child doesn’t come easy. It’s all about the effort you put in & if you are consciously trying, you’ll figure it out. I promise.
That girl got me thinking
I’m not sure I’ll ever forget that moment in my kitchen. The moment I finally got it. It all clicked in my stubborn head & I found the missing link to my “tough” relationship with my daughter.
It was all in the details of that first podcast. If you’re thinking, what the heck does the podcast have to do with being a good mom, hang tight? I’m getting there.
That podcast took over 18 months to create. No, it didn’t take me 18 months to physically record the episode. It took 18 months of me searching for what I was supposed to do. 18 months spent seeking guidance and having faith over my business & what my business was actually supposed to do.
Completing that episode was the result of all that faith. In the same sense, that moment in my kitchen with my Jadey Baby was the result of all the years of effort trying to be a good mom to her.
The Secret Sauce
Yes, there is a secret magic formula for being a good mom, but the formula is different than I could have ever imagined.
Acts 11:24 For he was a good man, full of the Holy Spirit and of faith.
There once was this guy named Barnabas & yes, I get that he’s a guy, not a mom. We were talking about how to be “good” right, not how to be a mom. Now, let’s get back to Barnabas.
He was referred to good, but that’s not enough or where people stopped describing him. People went on to say what exactly made him “good.” They said he was good for two reasons. First, he was full of the Holy Spirit & second, he was full of faith.
Did you catch it, my friend? This is what makes you good. It’s not about the things you do. It’s about what’s on the inside.
You see, 18 months ago, when I set out on a journey to help overwhelmed moms, I didn’t realize I would end up helping my relationships with my children. But it happened as a result of the Holy Spirit & simply having faith.
So, if you are looking for the secret sauce to being a good mom, start by focusing on you. Find your faith & let the Holy Spirit guide you.